Who Are You Answerable To?

I frequently pause to reflect.

Earlier, I used to wonder why people blame everything on others. Why was it so easy for them to shift responsibility and exert authority over someone else’s life? Now, after being trained to look inward as a coach, I realize something uncomfortable: we do the same thing too.

We blame situations.

We blame people.

We blame circumstances.

Anything and everything, except ourselves.

The Paradox of Accountability: Teaching Children What We Don't Practice

Our brains are surprisingly comfortable doing this. They happily place the weight elsewhere and bask in the relief. We don’t want to notice our role. We don’t want to ask, What did I allow? What did I avoid? What did I not take responsibility for?

And the most interesting part?

I see this instinct even in children.

They observe human patterns far earlier than we think and adapt quickly. As parents, we tell them, “Own your mistakes. Don’t blame others.” But how confusing must it be for a child when they hear this preached daily while watching us do the exact opposite?

We ask them to practice accountability while we haven’t even learned the A of it.

Of course, I’m not saying the brain is easy to deal with. From ancestral times, our nervous systems have been designed for survival, deflection, protection, and avoidance.

(And no, I’m not blaming my ancestors now 😄 just trying to decode the roots.)

Most of the time, we do this unconsciously. Sometimes, consciously.

The Power of Conscious Effort: Finding Reward in Sincere Actions

I remember something from my school days. I used to wonder why only a few students got recognized and why I didn’t. Then there was this one incident where I was part of the school band. I played that plate thing (I still don’t know what it’s called) during the national anthem. I played it sincerely and confidently, holding the rhythm steady. The entire band followed my lead.

A biology teacher noticed it, called me aside, and appreciated me.

When I think of it now, I realize something important:

When we do something consciously and lovingly, we show up with full power, and that itself becomes our reward.

That day, I didn’t blame anyone. I simply received the appreciation. And honestly, had I missed the beat, I might have blamed the girl playing the big drums.

That’s how instinctive it is.

Looking back at many incidents in my life, I see how easily I blamed others. Later, with awareness, I began asking myself, Had I not allowed this, would it still have happened?

Unfortunately, we’ve been conditioned from childhood:

Be nice.

Don’t hurt others.

Don’t answer back.

Stay silent even when it feels wrong.

The list is long.

Embracing Self-Accountability: The Journey to Knowing Yourself

How many of us love accounts? Not many.

But maybe the first account we need to learn is self-accountability.

We come into this world alone.

We leave alone.

And yet, in between, instead of living our life our way, we make it all about others.

Stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself:

How much do I really know about me?

We put so much effort into understanding the needs of people we love. We bend, adjust, and overgive just to hear a word of appreciation. In this course of doing so, how often do we appreciate ourselves? For the effort. For the intention. For simply being who we are.

Most of the time, we don’t.

Because we assume our intentions are pure until one negative comment from someone close makes us doubt everything about ourselves.

I learned this the hard way.

I’ve slowly rewired my brain to be honest with myself and to stop playing tricks on me. Now, when someone (a stranger or someone close) tries to blame me, yes, for a second it hurts. But then I pause and ask my mind:

“Wait. Is this true? Is there any fact in what they’re saying?”

If I find myself guilty, I accept it and consciously work on correcting it.

And if it’s not true, I smile because it’s not about what they’re saying. It’s about how they’re trying to make me feel. I refuse to become prey to that or put myself down for someone else’s discomfort.

So often, it’s enough to pause and say:

Let them talk. I know what I’m doing. I know the intention behind it.

When your intentions are pure, the universe has a way of guiding you.

You begin to live lighter.

Without guilt.

Without constantly seeking approval.

The Path to Personal Growth: Cultivating Clarity and Confidence

So tell me…

Who are you answerable to?

Maybe it’s time the answer becomes: yourself.

As I navigate this journey of self-discovery, I find that accountability is not just a concept; it’s a practice. It’s about showing up for myself, acknowledging my choices, and embracing the lessons they bring.

In this process, I’ve learned that clarity comes from understanding my own motivations. When I take the time to reflect on my actions, I gain insight into what drives me. This understanding helps me make better choices moving forward.

Building confidence is another essential aspect of this journey. Each time I take responsibility for my actions, I reinforce my belief in myself. It’s like flexing a muscle; the more I practice, the stronger I become.

The Importance of Community: Finding Support on Your Journey

While self-accountability is crucial, I’ve also discovered the power of community. Surrounding myself with supportive individuals who encourage growth has been transformative. They remind me that I’m not alone in this journey.

Sharing experiences with others creates a sense of belonging. It’s comforting to know that we all face challenges and that we can learn from one another. This connection fosters a deeper understanding of ourselves and our paths.

Taking Action: Steps Toward Transformation

So, how do we begin this journey of self-accountability and personal growth? Here are some steps that have helped me:

1. Reflect Regularly: Set aside time each week to reflect on your actions and decisions. Journaling can be a powerful tool for this.

   
   

2. Set Intentions: Before starting each day, set clear intentions for how you want to show up. This helps guide your actions.

   
   

3. Seek Feedback: Don’t hesitate to ask trusted friends or mentors for feedback. Their perspectives can provide valuable insights.

   
   

4. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge your progress, no matter how small. Celebrating achievements reinforces positive behavior.

   
   

5. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that mistakes are part of the learning process.

   
   

As I continue on this path, I’m reminded that personal growth is a lifelong journey. It’s not about perfection but about progress. Each step I take toward accountability brings me closer to living a purpose-driven life.

In conclusion, let’s embrace the journey of self-discovery together. Let’s hold ourselves accountable and support one another in this quest for clarity and confidence. After all, the most important relationship we have is the one we cultivate with ourselves.